Sunday, April 26, 2009

I Survived With Help From My Friends

Thanks to everyone for your kind thoughts and messages for me over this weekend. It may seem like a Wedding is a personal thing to be put away and not talked about again, especially with a divorce. But, I really felt like our wedding, well I guess it is just mine now, was so full of the things we loved and we made it together. I am such a visual person and I had spent most of my 20s helping make my friends make their weddings the day they really wanted by making them special jewelry, designing the decor, helping pick out colours, places or by just by being there for them. For me, our weddding was like one huge installation art show and I was so happy and blissfully thinking my groom was happy too when he really wasn't or he was for a while-who knows.

Every year after it, we celebrated with more art and that just added to it. I would add more pages to the book I was making about our life together. There would be more cards and I would make a new "cake top" and decorate it like the original one. I thought these were fun things but I know now that I was wrong. I am finding it so hard to untangle myself from this web of life and art my ex and I made together. How can it all still be so shocking to me? So, I survived this weekend. It is still really hard. I am not sure what I "AM". I am at a weird age. Things don't come as easily as they used to. I can't stay up all night like I used to. It is confusing and I am a little bit ticked off that I am still having to figure this out but I know everyone is. I am puttering around feeling like I must be at least 500 years old. So, It really touched my heart to receive some amazing packages in the mail from Faerie friends-they have really touched my heart so much! I took some pretty pictures just to make sure they were real and they are!

My beautiful and talented friend Heather E. Hutsell sent me a copy of her new book The Inter-Twinning and I am so excited to read it. I was excited to read this about it: Forget everything you know about time and all you know of reality, for they have no place in these pages...
Here is a little bit from it:
Unknow to one another, four unrelated sets of twins are born and later brought together by way of eight mysterious invitations. They quickly find themselves paired off with a stranger among themselves and must conquer a labyrinth unlike any other--or have it conquer them..Before it is all over; they will find that they have far more in common with one another than just merely being twins.
I have promised Heather to be the first twin to read her novel! It is all very exciting. It is available now at or visit
(c)2009 All Rights Reserved

Then, another friend, the lovely and talented Lorianne Jantti of Plumevine Jewelry
sent me a gorgeous package from Norway. We are doing a trade! Her part of the trade was already made-she says it was a fluke but it is so gorgeous! I finally opened the whole package(I saved it for my sad day) and I received a gorgeous Faerie Crown. I promise I will get going on some new Self Portraits wearing it! She also sent some other things for me. I am making her a doll so she has made teeny tiny "doll jewelry" for her doll to be wearing and she sent some gorgeous fabrics for the dolls clothes. They are all very "Plumevine" and very "Lorianne". I hope I don't let her down!

I have been working on my own little stuff just trying to get through all of this weird time. Now it is time for me to really get going again-hopefully.


tiina said...

I just wanted to send you hugs.
It's so hard to feel deeply about someone, then find out they're not the person you knew.

Heather said...

*hugs* so glad it wasnt too bad. your wedding was beautiful and it will always be beautiful! You have so many people who love you! dont forget that~

Lena said...

Dear Merle:
How hard! But so glad you have good friends.
I have just met you recently in Flickr but I can really tell the beautiful and kind soul that you are.
You deserve so much better! I'm sure your prince will come and he will dry your tears and make you happy!

KeKe said...

I'm glad you are feeling better~You will always have people who care about you, as seen by the showering of gifts and comments. Take strength in knowing that.

pikesbabe said...

I am so glad you made it thru the are getting better you know.Thank-you for sharing all the stories of your life,would make a wonderful book....I can see why it's so hard to move on.Your wedding and that part of your life is so intertwined with your art,and it's just not in you to put beautiful art away in a closet...Has I read about the wedding I was so enthralled by the beautiful pictures....but I agree with Lena,there will be a new Prince that will come into your life and dry your tears....
Love to you sweet Merle,

RowanDeVoe said...

Thank you everyone for your sweet and thoughtful comments. They really mean a lot. I am not trying to put my wedding up as an event of the century or anything. It was very modest in today's standards. It is just that it was very much a part of my ex and me. I made many things for it and he did as well. The theme of our time together seemed to be making things together-our wedding, our home, joint art projects for shows, gifts for our nephews, dinners for holidays and more. To me, this was all very special and it seemed to fit. It is hard to find out that he didn't feel the sameway and that the things that attracted me to him to begin with were what he wanted nothing to do with in the end(as in 'no more art!'). Someday it all might make sense-ok, maybe, ok, I don't think so. Meh, I don't really care. I can make my own art by myself or with my friends so thank you for all!
take care,