Thursday, April 22, 2010

It's Been So Long Since A Post! Divine Diptych Week 6-Phobia!

Agoraphobia
This is  the Theme for Week 6 for The Divine Diptych Project. You can read more about this photograph and others there.
I was paired with the talented Sad and Beautiful aka Sarah for Week 6 and I just loved how our photographs ended up together.  Sarah takes amazing and daring risks in her photographs which pay her back in spades!
Sarah's photograph is on the left and mine is on the right.  She is hiding out in the open the best she can and I am trying not to let the scary outside inside.  I also have such a hard time getting out my front door.  It takes me forever most days(Sarah was just acting but for me this is a very real fear).  My phobia has more to do with a fear that I look like a monster and that I scare people.  I really do know that no one is looking at me and that I am actually a person that is pretty much becomes invisible once out.  It still doesn't stop the the fear that once I am out a bunch of folks are going to round me up and take me away for being "less than" or for being messed up,  ugly, crazy and different from everyone else.  I know it sounds nuts, but even when I show folks around here the photographs I take(or any of my art in other mediums), the first words I usually hear are, "Oh my god, you are so weird! What are these all about?".  Well, to someone who has presented the question like that, I don't really have an answer.  Everyone likes different things.  I can honestly say I am not going out of my way to shock anyone. All of this seems quite reasonable to me and I do sell art where I live.
I also took other photographs while taking these.  They are just more a chance to mix things up a bit and to create a new and mysterious character(she looks like my maternal grandmother who had long black hair, dark skin and black eyes-complete opposite of me!).  I am not sure who she is.  She came to me very quickly and naturally.  If you know who she is let me know!  Hope all is well with all of you!
Wearing my Parrish Relics Primavera Vial Necklace

6 comments:

red-handed said...

These are fabulous, Row. I love the direction you're going in ... something lost and haunted and trapped by a long-ago decision. (Just keep it to your art, is all we ask ... the world is anonymous -- you can go out without fear.)

RowanDeVoe said...

dj,
thank you. and, it is amazing what you wrote-i did make a decision a long time ago-when i was a kid-to basically give up my life in order to save others. i thought i could pretend i didn't have any feelings and that i would be able to live with this my whole life. only in the last few years has the weight of this decision been wearing on me. it started to crack when i was 20 something, but i sucked it up and kept going. i am starting to think that i can't do it-that i am human and that i want some happy and normal too and that i am not as strong as i thought i was-i am starting to crack worse than before and i don't know what to do about that-it wasn't part of the plan. again, because you are one of the "weirdo kids" and you really look at things and at details you can see this and that is a small miracle. most people "skim". i would like to take it all back and not be trapped anymore but i don't know how. plus, the people i watched over wouldn't be ok today so what was the right choice to make? who knows. thanks for all of this. will keep doing the art-have a bunch of tree branchs to stick in my hair-somehow.
xo,
rm

Little Brown Sparrow said...

My dearest! I've been thinking of you almost everyday lately- usually whenever I look over a pile of richly coloured beads I've amassed together!

Well I know the problem of the front door, but you know something- mine is almost the exact same fear! I have a strange mental image of myself as a huge freak of a thing that I assume people see when they look at me. I feel like every eye is on me, every laugh is directed at me. Our homes have become sanctuaries for us, but we are both faeries, not freaks. Different and weird but in the best possible way! magic is always noticeable. <3

志平 said...

cool blog,期待更新........................................

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Carol Anne Strange said...

So lovely to catch up on your blog, Merle. I am always captivated by your wonderful creativity and your spirit. xx